Do I have to put away childish things?

Do you remember your childhood? Or have you spent time recently with children? One thing that strikes me the most is how little time most children spend overthinking everything.

Picture a little girl in a park. Her hair is up in pigtails, she’s wearing a slightly grubby ensemble, and she’s left her sandals god-knows-where. She’s twirling as fast as she can, arms straight out. Faster and faster until she collapses onto the grass. She’s giggling so hard she can barely breathe. She lays on her back and gazes up at the sky where she notices a butterfly be-bopping around right before she spots a cloud that looks like Mickey Mouse.

I used to be that girl.

Instead, picture a 40-something lady in her responsible house at her responsible desk with her responsible laptop. She’s dressed appropriately and doing a lot of thinking. Her well-groomed and (mostly) well-trained dog rests nearby on her tidy dog bed. She doesn’t really notice the weather, and she certainly doesn’t spot any butterflies or cartoon characters in the clouds.

I am that lady.

And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Kids, ocean waves, birds, and dogs trust their instincts. They live in the moment. They are authentically who they were made to be without overthinking it. 

When I think about who I used to be, whether that’s 7-year-old Sarah or 27-year-old Sarah, my reaction is often to judge my former self harshly. She was so foolish. She cared too much about what other people thought about her. She was timid when she should have been bold. She wasted so much time pursuing that dead end.

As we mature, we have an opportunity before us. An invitation of sorts. Do we leave our trusting, authentic, childlike approach to life in the dust, or do we envelop it into our new way of being? As we develop critical thinking and gain life experiences, do we despise our former way of being or do we incorporate it into our adult selves?

Instead of rejecting the former me who made ill-informed choices and lacked so much wisdom, can I be kind to her? Can I think of her with fondness and through eyes of grace? She really was doing her best with what she had and knew at the time. And she is the reason I am me.

Going beyond grace for my actions and thought patterns, can I re-discover how it feels to live in the moment? To trust my gut, even just a little bit? To be authentic? To wholeheartedly embrace the moment? 

You probably won’t find me spinning in circles until I collapse anytime soon, but you just might catch me looking for pictures in the clouds. Practicing being in the moment. Leaning into authenticity and a wholehearted embrace of life.

How do you talk to or about your childhood self? Is there anything that little person could teach you?