I like to think of myself as one who has her priorities straight, but leave it to a teenager to poke a giant hole in that bubble.
Zach is taking a class at the local community college this semester. Because he’s still in high school the district is covering the tuition, and we just need to pay the extra fees. Instead of mailing the check, I figured I would just have him drop it off at the college office and save the stamp. I dutifully wrote out the check and placed it in an envelope along with the invoice stub. And it’s been hanging on the refrigerator for weeks while he obliviously waltzes past it.
Finally I had had enough of the calm and gentle reminders. I stood at the fridge and pointed my finger menacingly at the envelope. I gave him my best “frustrated mom” stare and informed him that if he didn’t take it to the college the next time he went, I would mail it and charge him for the stamp.
I got the typical teenager eyeroll. “Ok, that’s like what, two bucks” He was clearly nonplussed. He spends more than that on his daily fast food habit to supplement the three meals he eats at home. He’s obviously starving. The poor soul.
I had to stop and think. How much is a stamp anyway? I figured he wouldn’t know, so I could make something up. Except as the words came out of my mouth, I started to feel embarrassment creep into my tone. “It’s like … 47 cents.”
He stared at me. I stared back. He started to giggle, and so did I.
Really?
All this relational angst over 47 cents? *
Where are my priorities anyway? Am I spending so much time looking at the trees (frugal living) that I’m losing sight of the forest (relationship with my kiddo)? When I put that in writing, surely having a good relationship with my son is infinitely more important than 47 cents, yet my actions clearly didn’t support that.
In my work life, I spend most of my time doing routine tasks and putting out fires, yet I intentionally set aside time on my calendar to think big thoughts. To reflect. To strategize. To ensure the direction I’m aiming is the direction I want to go.
Turns out I could benefit from doing the same in my personal life.
Instead of always running on the treadmill of life, do I take time to reflect? To be mindful? To cultivate self-awareness? There are numerous techniques and approaches out there, and the one that resonates with me right now is the idea of rummaging through my day, looking for highs and lows. Where did I show up as my best self? Where did I miss an opportunity? I’ve started doing this in the morning before reaching for my phone. The phone will be there later; my memories of yesterday won’t be.
This isn’t an exercise in self-flagellation – I’m not trying to find all the ways I screwed up so I can think of myself as an insignificant little worm. If I find an area where I didn’t live up to my ideals, I can probe a little deeper. Why was I so wound up over that? What nerve did that comment strike that led to me snipping at that person? How can I be more consciously aware of those triggers so next time I can make a better decision instead of reacting?
Rummaging is also a great time to practice gratitude. What happened that was amazing? What little gifts did I discover yesterday? Reflecting on these treasures helps me to relive the positive experiences and remember that there’s always something to be grateful for.
I ended up taking that dang envelope off the refrigerator, slapping a stamp on it (begrudgingly), and walking it to the mailbox. Dropping into the outgoing mail slot felt freeing. **
How do you make sure your priorities are aligned with your actions?
* I know a first-class stamp is really 68 cents, but let’s pretend I am still using up Forever stamps from 2016. Because I totally hoarded them and am chintzy about using them.
** And wouldn’t you know it, the day after I mailed it, Zach went looking for the envelope to take it to school. So, yeah.